


We Can Grow Together

by Guadalupe17



Category: Dr. STONE (Anime), Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: Family Issues, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Touch-Starved, if you couldn't tell by the cheesy ass title lol, not graphic though dont worry!, path to recovery, this fic will be about healing !
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23324071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guadalupe17/pseuds/Guadalupe17
Summary: As a little kid, Tsukasa meets a stranger that saves him after the worst weeks of his life. He couldn't get his name, but the kind stranger never left his mind.When they meet again years later, Tsukasa finds that this kind stranger is not at all like he remembers -- if anything, he now represents everything he hates!Ryuusui takes care of a stray kitten with a stranger and ends up caring more than he planned. When he meets him again years later, the sweet, teary-eyed stranger he remembers grew into an angry, asocial teen who decided to hate him without getting to know him properly!Forced to interact together, will they finally learn to get along without carrying their personal emotional baggage into their relationships?
Relationships: Ishigami Byakuya & Ishigami Senkuu, Nanami Ryuusui/Shishiou Tsukasa, one sided tsukasen
Comments: 18
Kudos: 39





	1. For a Little While Longer

**Author's Note:**

> While writing this, I was listening to [Almost in F by Kevin MacLeod](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR1WBmpLgRU&t=1348s) If you like piano instrumentals, I think you will enjoy it! :)
> 
> Happy reading!

Tsukasa, eleven years old, stands with his back to the sun as the humid heat of Japan coils around his lungs. Sunshine flows steadily down his neck, caressing him like a mother’s touch, when he finds a tiny creature trembling under a black pine tree. Her fur is a wet yellow, reminding him of a sunflower after rain. Reminding him of Mirai’s hair after a swim.

The kitten is small, so incredibly small, that he’s sure she will fit on the palm of his hand. She is curled into ball so tight that it looks as though her head is fused with her tail. _Babies are supposed to be chubby_ , Tsukasa thinks, _but this tabby isn’t chubby at all._ She can’t be but a few weeks old, and yet the curve of her spine is prominent through her skin, almost like it would pierce through if the kitten curled onto herself any tighter. Swallowing, Tsukasa straightens his own spine.

He crouches far enough from her as to not startle her, but even when he loses his balance and has to slam his hands on the pavement, the kitten doesn’t stir. Cautiously, he reaches out, gently poking her on her side. The kitten stirs then, lifting her head up with a tiny _mrrp!_ Her eyes stay closed but she’s searching for him, sniffing the air in his direction. Tsukasa lets out a small gasp, inching closer to her. Slowly, she opens her eyes and Tsukasa sees his face reflected back at him on them. Her eyes aren’t open all the way through, though, since a dark, thin crust surrounds their edges. Tsukasa’s muscles stiffen as worry bubbles in his chest but before he can properly panic, the kitten rises, wobbling. Immediately, his hands go to her sides, hovering over her to catch her in case she stumbles. His help isn’t necessary, however, as the kitten marches up to him, tail held high with all the confidence of a spoiled, grown cat. But the few steps she takes are enough to tire her out, so she lays back down right by Tsukasa’s feet. He can now feel her purring through his shoes, her warmth seeping through his socks, and he smiles.

Moving from the pavement to the grass under the black pine tree, he sits down and reclines against the tree’s trunk. The kitten makes the same startled noise from earlier and prepares to move again but Tsukasa gently picks her up, placing her on the crook of his crossed legs. Immediately, her purring starts back again, louder than before. She prepares to curl up, but then Tsukasa pets her head timidly with the back of his index finger, and instead of curling into a ball like she initially intended, she pushes against his finger, rubbing the side of her face against him. Slowly, she stretches out her tiny body on his thighs, making herself right at home on the warmth of his shorts. A delighted giggle escapes Tsukasa and he begins to pet her with newfound confidence. The purrs get impossibly louder, and Tsukasa wonders how such a powerful sound can come from such a tiny being. 

It reminds him of the day Mirai was born – a hot summer day much like this one.

His father tried to discourage him from seeing. _Your mom will be in a lot of pain,_ he told him, _it won’t be pretty._ But his warnings didn’t faze Tsukasa. If anything, it made him want to be by his mother’s side even more. His determination to be in the delivery room for his sister’s birth charmed his mom, the nurses and obstetrician enough to fight in his stead and so, reluctantly, his father allowed him to stay.

Mirai was born a healthy, chubby baby. Tsukasa was surprised to find that babies in real life don’t look like babies on TV, as Mirai was still connected to their mother and her skin was a greyish, almost pale, cold blue. But then after a big gulp of air, Mirai wailed with all her might, and suddenly her skin turned a pretty pink – the very same pink that painted the dawn sky peeking through the window to the right of their mother’s bed. Mirai’s cries ricocheted in the delivery room and Tsukasa wondered just how such a powerful sound can come from such a tiny being.

In that moment, when he was allowed to hold Mirai, Tsukasa promised he’d always protect her – that there was no need to cry, and if she cried, he’d come running to her.

Now, in this moment, as he holds the kitten close, Tsukasa promises to protect her – all she needs to do is purr, and he’ll come running to her.

~o~O~o~

Tsukasa knows he can’t have pets at home. He had tried before, way before he found the current kitten, and found out his mom and sister are allergic, especially his mom, to fur. His father forbade him from bringing any more stray animals to his home but, of course, he didn’t listen, not even when his father slapped him and left him to spend the night outside since he _“wanted to be with the strays so badly”_. Tsukasa was used to the hitting, but being forced to sleep outside the house’s door was new. He would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt. The next morning, however, his father made his favorite dish for breakfast and lunch, and even let him watch cartoons all day without once telling him to do his chores.

He found out later that night that his mom was angry at his father for leaving him outside. She only found out after the fact, since she was spending most of her time in her room recovering, again, from the flu. Despite the weak body her constant sickness leaves her with, her mother’s iron will can bring even the strongest man to his knees – quite literally. When he looked through the crack in the door to his parents’ room, Tsukasa was shocked to find his father’s forehead touch the ground at his mother’s bed as she laid back on it, arms crossed and breathing harshly.

There he was. His dad, the money maker. His dad, the man who cheated on his wife with his mother. His dad, who won’t let himself be seen with them outside too often in fear of what others might say. His dad, who is _the man_ of the house, groveling at the feet of the woman he is so head over heels in love with.

Tsukasa decided in that moment that perhaps it was better if his father didn’t love him. Love seems to make him do odd things and Tsukasa wants no part in that.

His dad continues to raise his hand at him, of course, but so far it hasn’t come to that extreme again. He suspects his dad reacted like that because it was his love that was at risk, and not Mirai. 

Tsukasa doesn’t like to think about that, so he doesn’t.

Because of his no-pets house rule, he makes a little house for the kitten instead. Using a cardboard box and old clothes, Tsukasa makes a tiny home for the tiny kitten. He makes sure there is a hole big enough for the kitten to go in and out whenever she wants, since he doesn’t want her to feel trapped. It feels a little lifeless though, so the next day he brings his school supplies and draws himself and the kitten on the outside of the cardboard box. Inside of it, he draws other cats, so the kitten doesn’t feel too lonely. When he’s done, he nods to himself in satisfaction and opens the tuna can he brought from home. The kitten happily eats it up, purring as loud as the first day he found her.

Warmth spreads on his chest. If Mirai wasn’t allergic, he would bring her here since he knows she would love the kitten as much as he does, if not more. But both her and their mom are sick with the cold, as it tends to happen when the temperature changes too quickly. Tsukasa can’t risk making them worse.

In the meantime, he’ll take care of the kitten by himself.

~o~O~o~

Someone else is taking care of the kitten with him.

He knows this because there’s fresh food and a new, fluffy blanket wrapped around her. Frowning, Tsukasa looks around, finding this part of the neighborhood empty. Since it’s a dead-end, he figures that’s natural. Still, someone is either watching him, or watching the kitten. Before panicking, he thinks about the situation some more – if it was a stalker or some weird stranger, then they would’ve approached him long ago. Instead, they’re simply taking care of the kitten when he isn’t there.

Which means they aren’t a threat, at least for now.

Nodding, he sits down by the black pine tree and closes his eyes, absentmindedly petting the napping kitten. He breathes in deeply and smiles.

The kitten is being cared for even when he’s not there. Thank God.

Thank God.

~o~O~o~

A few days pass and the kind stranger keeps helping out. Whether it be with food, blankets or keeping the kitten clean and bandaged up, Tsukasa is always thankful. He wishes he could thank them in person, but he figures if they haven’t approached him yet, it means they would rather not reveal themselves. That’s alright – he has a fix for that.

Bringing his school supplies again, he leaves a small note inside the cardboard box that reads,

_Thank you for taking care of the kitten with me._

The next day, Tsukasa finds a new note.

_Your so very welcome!!! :) <3 _

He can’t help the smile that spreads on his face. The stranger’s grammar leaves something to be desired, but Tsukasa can feel their enthusiasm all the same. As he sits down in his usual spot, petting the kitten, he presses the note onto his chest and grins.

~o~O~o~

Mirai’s cold turned into pneumonia and had to be hospitalized. His mom is still sick, still too weak to even leave her bed. His dad is staying with her even though she insists he should go look after Mirai instead. But Tsukasa can see how much it pains his father to leave his mom behind, so he offers his assistance – he’ll go and take care of Mirai every day while his dad can take care of mom.

For the first time in a long while, his father looks proud of him, and Tsukasa can’t help how happy that makes him. Especially when his mother beckons him close to pat him softly on his head.

~o~O~o~

In trying to take care of both the kitten and Mirai, Tsukasa stops taking care of himself. He comforts himself by reasoning that, right now, those two need him, so self-care can wait. He looks to his dad and thinks, _what kind of a man will I be if I can’t even take care of a kitten? If I can’t even take care of my little sister?_

And so, he puts his needs second and offers himself to both, hoping he’s enough.

~o~O~o~

As it turns out, Tsukasa learns he’s not enough.

The kitten is doing alright, but his sister is struggling. She misses everyone, she tells him in a small voice, and she misses him the most. She wants him to stay with her in the hospital room, telling her stories about mermaid princesses where nobody is ever sick and there’s always a happy ending. She wants to be back on her bed, she wants to play with her toys. She wants mom’s cooking; she wants Tsukasa’s goodnight kisses. She wants to go home.

It’s moments like these when Tsukasa feels more like her father than her brother.

Wanting to lift Mirai’s spirits, he decides to go to the beach Mirai and their mom love, hoping to collect the seashells needed to make a necklace. Given her love for the sea and mermaids, Tsukasa knows she’ll love it. If it can bring her a little peace of mind, if it can distract her from the clinical white walls and the sterile scent of the hospital, if it can remind her of him and not feel alone when he’s not there, then it’s worth it.

Taking his yellow beach toy bucket and shovel, Tsukasa heads towards a beach he hasn’t been to in a while, not since his mom became ill. Not much should have changed, however, so he’s sure he’ll find that one spot where there’s tons of seashells. And sure enough, he does eventually find it, albeit with some difficulty – the place is emptier than he remembers, the sand flatter, shinier, like it hasn’t been walked on for a while. It should make it easier to dig, though, so he takes his toy shovel and starts to look for pink seashells in the sand.

One by one, he plucks the seashells he finds into the bucket. With every single one he finds, his heart soars – Mirai will love them, he’s sure of it. It might take him some time to make the necklace, since he wants it to be perfect, but if Mirai is happy with it then so will he.

Distracted by his daydreaming, Tsukasa doesn’t notice the shadow of a man who’s had too much to drink, a man who will use his bad day to justify the cruelty he will unleash on an innocent kid.

Tsukasa only wanted seashells for his little sister to make her a necklace that’ll remind her of him, even when he’s not there with her. Instead, Tsukasa is found hardly breathing and taken to a hospital by a good Samaritan. The same hospital Mirai is in.

~o~O~o~

When his father goes to see him, Tsukasa doesn’t expect the reaction he gets. The very first time he saw his father cry was when his mom was losing too much blood while giving birth to Mirai. The second time is right now.

His father, the moneymaker. His father, the man of the house. His father, ashamed to be seen in public with his mistress’s children.

Here he is now, kneeling at the feet of Tsukasa’s hospital bed, shaking, gasping, sobbing. It’s an odd scene for Tsukasa – in fact, it scares him a little. His father has never shown this much emotion in his presence before, so he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to say, if there’s anything at all to say, and this is all so confusing because his father hits him when he misbehaves, scolds him when he cries, doesn’t even hug him when he’s sad. And yet, here he is now, reaching up to hold Tsukasa’s face between his palms with so much gentleness that it doesn’t even hurt when he touches the tender bruises that engulf his face.

It doesn’t hurt, and yet, he can’t stop the tears that roll down. A hiccup escapes him when his father gently strokes the side of his face, looking at him with so much emotion, so much regret, pity, hurt, longing, love—

Love?

“My boy…” His father whispers in a soft tone Tsukasa hasn’t heard in a long time, “my little boy, oh, what have they done to my little boy?” His words break something in Tsukasa, he knows, because he hears it shatter on the floor. It hurts more than the cuts and bruises he’s got. It hurts so much but he doesn’t understand why. Tsukasa’s shoulders shake with a repressed sob, two, three more, and his father leans forward to cradle him close to his chest. “Oh, it’s okay, it’s okay… don’t cry anymore, son. Don’t cry.” Tsukasa tries, but every word his father says seems to upset him more, crying harder than he’s ever have before.

For once, his father doesn’t tell him that men shouldn’t cry. Instead, he holds Tsukasa until he calms down, and lays him back on the hospital bed. His father leans down, brushes his hair away to kiss his forehead and tucks him in.

He hasn’t done that since Tsukasa was very young. Tsukasa almost forgot what it felt like.

It shouldn’t hurt, but he can’t help the tears that roll down.

~o~O~o~

At night, as he lays on his hospital bed, blankly staring at the ceiling, Tsukasa wishes he and his sister were out, playing until the sun goes down. He wishes he could be there for her. He wishes hadn’t caused so much pain to his parents by having them see him like this.

No… he shouldn’t. This wasn’t his fault. Tsukasa knows he didn’t do anything wrong.

No, instead, he wishes…

He wishes the world could just be him and his family, free to get the medical treatment they need. Free to visit any beaches they want. Free to go out together without the judging stare of any stranger.

Bitterly, indignantly, he thinks, _if only worthless adults could just be gone, everything would be better._

~o~O~o~

Weeks pass before he fully heals. As soon as he’s given the okay, he visits Mirai.

It ends up being a mistake.

Her condition worsened exponentially in the time he was hospitalized. Seeing his little sister intubated, her skin turn a greyish, almost pale, cold blue… hearing the high pitch beep of her heart monitor, the steady push of air from her ventilator… feeling the iciness of her skin, the knots in her hair…

It’s too much. This isn’t real. This _can’t_ be real.

He runs out of there, ignoring anyone trying to hold him back.

~o~O~o~

When Tsukasa arrives at the familiar black pine tree, panting and sweating, he finds the box empty and the food gone. When he inspects it further, he finds patches of dry blood on the blankets.

Tsukasa drops to his knees, takes out the blankets and old clothes he placed in the box so long ago, and holds them close to him. The kitten’s warmth is gone – all that is left is the dark red stains and shed fur that clings to his skin.

He had promised her she would protect her no matter what – she just needed to cry for him, and he would have—would have come running to her to save her. Instead, he left her to suffer all alone and now she’s—

—Hospitalized—

—Gone—

No… they’re both gone. They’re both gone and it’s all his fault.

 _‘If only worthless adults could just be gone’?_ That’s not right. The one that should be gone is _him._ If only he hadn’t been so dumb, so naïve, if only he had been stronger, smarter, if only… if only he wasn’t here, none of this would’ve happened.

If only he were gone, everyone would be happier.

Tsukasa puts the blankets back in the box and leans back on his knees. He sits with his back to the sun, the humid heat of Japan asphyxiating him. Sunshine beats down his neck, stabbing him like needles when he is found shaking under the black pine tree by a boy with yellow hair, reminding him of Mirai. Reminding him of the kitten.

Tsukasa blinks, too shocked by everything that’s happened to say anything. The boy looks to be around his age and doesn’t seem hostile. The boy doesn’t approach him right away, though; instead, the boy crouches and, with a sad smile, he says, “I’m sorry for taking so long in showing myself. I wanted to, I really did! But one, I don’t even live around here, I just come here to bother a friend of mine, and two, another friend told me it was risky and he’s very smart, so I trusted him! But…” The boy looks at the box, his voice turning softer, “but… I couldn’t continue hiding, not today.” He looks back up at Tsukasa and cautiously shimmies closer to him, placing his hand over his. It makes Tsukasa flinch and almost pull away, but the sad look on the stranger’s eyes prevents him to. The boy squeezes his hand and whispers, “don’t worry, she wasn’t alone, okay?” He gives Tsukasa a small smile, “she died loved, she was at peace, and she was surrounded by people that loved her. I made sure of it. So…” The boy leans closer, and with his free hand he gently strokes the side of Tsukasa’s face, looking at him with emotions Tsukasa can't recognize. “So,” the boy continues, moving his hand to stroke the other side of his face, “don’t cry anymore, okay?”

Tsukasa blinks, finally feeling the sting behind his eyes and the usual burning path tears leave on his cheeks. He blinks some more, and when that causes more tears to fall, the stranger gently wipes those away, too. Tsukasa doesn’t know what to do; he’s never been in this type of situation before. It’s scary. It’s overwhelming.

But after everything that’s happened, the warmth of this stranger’s hand, the bright yellow of his hair, the softness of his voice… they are the only things that feel real. That _are_ real.

“Hey, um,” The blonde boy pokes Tsukasa’s cheek softly to get his attention. “Can you—can you stand up with me for a bit?” Still dumbfounded, Tsukasa simply does as he’s told. The boy smiles, rising with him and snapping his fingers. “Okay, so, remember the super smart friend I mentioned earlier?” Tsukasa nods. “Well, he hates hugs. But his dad loves them! So, to convince my friend to hug him, he found this, um, science study, yeah, that basically says hugging for twenty seconds makes your brain release all these happy, uh, what did he call them… hormones, yeah! I’m not too sure what that means, only that it controls your mood, but he said that when you hug for that long, it feels like love! So,” The boy grins at Tsukasa, eyes crinkling. “Can I hug you? For twenty seconds? I promise I’ll let go when the time is up!”

Tsukasa doesn’t know how to react to all that information. He hesitates, taking a second to think about it, and nods. The boy beams at his answer and quickly wraps his arms around Tsukasa’s shoulders. It shocks Tsukasa for a few seconds even though he was expecting it, but he quickly relaxes, slowly lifting his arms to loosely grip at the back of the boy’s shirt.

The boy begins to count, and Tsukasa closes his eyes. He’s warm, Tsukasa realizes, and the longer he holds him the warmer he feels. But it’s not suffocating – in fact, it feels like the sun itself is hugging him and with the golden shine of the stranger’s hair, he figures the comparison fits the stranger perfectly.

“…15, 19, 20!” The boy exclaims, patting him.

Tsukasa hums. “You skipped three numbers.”

“Whaaa—I did?!” The boy’s voice increases in pitch comically, making Tsukasa laugh. “Oh, I can’t count, haha!” The boy laughs with him and once they both calm down, he says, “okay, alright, I’ll just count to three to make up for it! 1, 2, 3…!” But instead of letting go, Tsukasa holds him closer. The boy squeaks and, this close, Tsukasa can feel the stranger’s rapid heartbeat. “U-um… why—”

“Can we,” Tsukasa interrupts, hugging him tighter, “can we… stay like this… for a little while longer?” A beat. “…Please?” The boy stays quiet for a second, and before Tsukasa can nervously pull away, he hugs him back enthusiastically and just as tightly.

This stranger keeps surprising Tsukasa, but he finds that he doesn’t mind.

It seems the study was right. It does feel like love.

And for now, that’s enough to make him stay. Just a little while longer.


	2. The Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years later, Tsukasa finds the stranger in his Dojo and sees he's grown up like he has. However, it doesn't go how he expects. 
> 
> His father doesn't react how Tsukasa wants to the good news of his sister's conditions, and now with no time or outlet to get rid of his frustration, he has to fulfill the promise he made to Taiju.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Byakuya will make an appearance :)  
> The song for today is [Nothing by Amalunga.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6qlLD27taE)
> 
> *Kare = rice curry

Tsukasa kneels in front of his family _butsudan_ and opens the shrine’s doors, revealing a picture of his mother smiling, her long, curly brown hair up in a bun. He lights up one of the candles and presses his hands together in a prayer. Closing his eyes, he greets her with a good morning and begins to tell her the good news he woke up to today: apparently, Mirai can do more than just open her eyes now – she can make noises and blink and, while normal for someone in a vegetative state, Tsukasa can’t help how happy the news makes him.

However, the company that makes the machinery needed to keep her alive, Nanami Enterprises, has risen the cost. As a result, Mirai's team of doctors told Tsukasa that there's a very real chance of transferring Mirai to another hospital if he doesn't get the money in time.

There are options, of course, like applying for medical debt forgiveness, or writing to the Hospital's Director explaining his sister's case and why he cannot afford to pay for her treatment at the moment.

Sadly, being the son of a successful businessman prevents him from looking at those options.

And so, Tsukasa must rely on his dad's good graces and what little money he makes as a cashier to keep his sister alive. However, now that the cost has risen, his shitty cashier pay doesn't cut it. Asking for a raise is out of the question for a cashier like him, so his only option is to turn to his dad for help which he wouldn't mind if only his father wasn't such… such… an _asshole,_ for a lack of better words.

He doesn’t tell his mom that.

Feeling a vibration on his pocket, Tsukasa takes out his phone to check it.

**Taiju 🌳**

> good morning!!!!! i hope u slept well!!!!!
> 
> thank u again for allowing me to bring my friends to the dojo today!!!
> 
> i cant wait to fight you for real!!!

Tsukasa smiles at his phone’s screen. Taiju is the newest addition to his Dojo although he’s not official _yet,_ so Tsukasa's been giving him easier exercises to ease him into the Dojo’s routine. His stamina is nothing to laugh at, however, and after a few weeks (and plenty of begging) Tsukasa thinks Taiju is ready to join the Dojo's team for real. In order to do that, though, he has to fight the best fighter in there – Tsukasa himself.

Tsukasa is known for always going easy on the newbies but Taiju wants none of that. He wants a real fight, no going easy on him at all, and while it took plenty of convincing, Tsukasa begrudgingly promised him he will fight him with all he’s got.

Of course, he won't actually fight him for real. He hasn't really fought anyone for real in a long, long time and he is not planning on starting now. Though because it's Taiju that's asking, Tsukasa managed to give in a little – he simply won’t go _too_ easy on him like he originally planned. Maybe it’s because Taiju is two years younger, but Taiju’s charm worked on him without much difficulty. Tsukasa knows he has a weak spot for younger kids than himself but he can’t quite help it. One never knows for sure about someone else’s situation at home – that’s why most if not all of the kids recruited to the Dojo have some kind of troubled life. Tsukasa more or less trusts the adults there to take care of them, but as the oldest kid in the Dojo, the youngest ones tend to flock to him for guidance and approval they seemingly lack at their homes.

Mentoring others soothes the emptiness he feels being a brother without a sibling to properly look after, too. There’s only so much he can do for Mirai in her condition, after all.

No problem

And me too. please eat properly before you get there though

**Taiju 🌳**

> u too!!!

See you :)

**Taiju 🌳**

> see ya!! <3

He switches to his Dojo's group chat.

Good morning

Today Taiju will bring his friends to the dojo, so fair warning

**Ginro 👽**

> deadass?

**Kinro 👓**

> Are they joining too?

**Kirisame 🌊**

> Good morning. As long as they're nice, I don't mind.

**Matsukaze 🌙**

> Good morning. As long as they don’t cause any trouble, I don’t mind.

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> Good morning, how many is he bringing and are we sure they’re his friends?
> 
> He didn’t kidnap them or anything?

These guys...

I am in fact deadass Ginro

**Ginro 👽**

> LMAOOO

Kinro I don't think they're joining

**Kinro 👓**

> I see.

Kiri I hope they're nice too

Matsukaze I don’t think they’ll cause trouble

**Matsukaze 🌙**

> Then I support your decision.

And Hyouga he's bringing two

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> Today you're fighting Taiju. I'm guessing they're here to see you pretend to fight him?

**Ginro 👽**

> lol ikr

**Kinro 👓**

> Tsukasa can't go all out on Ooki-san just yet.

**Kirisame 🌊**

> That's right.

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> It's not like Tsukasa ever goes all out.

**Ginro 👽**

> except with you tho

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> That's a given.

**Ginro 👽**

> LOLOL the confidence

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> I bet we can show Taiju-kun's friends a proper show. Maybe they'll want to join if they see me beat down the strongest fighter in our Dojo.

Well

You're welcome to try :)

**Ginro 👽**

> OOOOOOOOO SHIT

**Kirisame 🌊**

> :Oc

**Kinro 👓**

> Friendly banter, I hope.

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> Of course.

> I'm already at the dojo. Tsukasa let's start once you get here.

Alright

Have you eaten?

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> Yes.

**Ginro 👽**

> i haven't T_T

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> Didn't ask.

**Ginro 👽**

> so mean to me!! TT_TT </3

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> Good.

> I prefer it when the little heart is broken.

**Matsukaze 🌙**

> Do NOT break his little heart.

**Kinro 👓**

> What?? You didn't eat the breakfast I left on the table?

**Matsukaze 🌙**

> I’ll buy Ginro some food.

I think I have some leftover food

**Matsukaze 🌙**

> **I said I'll buy Ginro some food.**

**It’s really good leftover food though**

**Ginro 👽**

> word? u made kare?

Yes

**Ginro 👽**

> bet

Bet

**Ginro 👽**

> ill see u in a few then!! Gotta bounce byeeee

**Kinro 👓**

> ...

**Kirisame 🌊**

> Poor Matsukaze…

**Hyouga ⚔️**

> Tsukasa just loves to tease the guy.

I don’t know what you mean :)

**Matsukaze 🌙**

> Hmph.

Tsukasa smiles and puts his phone away. Matsukaze is new, too, he joined before Taiju and was recruited by Ginro. Ginro was quite confident that Matsukaze would be the one to finally beat Tsukasa, but in the end, Matsukaze barely lasted half a minute. Still, Matsukaze didn’t take it personally and, from then on, most of his training was with Tsukasa as a teacher. The time they spent together, plus all the necessary touching required of martial arts, brought them closer together faster than Tsukasa did with anybody else in the Dojo.

And if Tsukasa grew fond of Matsukaze then that’s his business.

Putting the rest of the rice curry he made last night in a glass container, he bids his mom farewell, closing the doors to her shrine, and leaves.

~o~O~o~

“So, have you decided?” Hyouga asks as he throws another hook to Tsukasa’s punching mitts. Tsukasa receives them and nods to Hyouga, signaling him the OK to keep punching. “About going back to school, I mean.”

Hyouga’s black surgical mask can sometimes make it hard to hear him properly, especially with the Dojo’s usual hip-hop and rap background music, but after being friends for so long Tsukasa has gotten used to straining his ears around him. Still, he stands closer to hear him better. “Not sure yet.” Tsukasa answers, lowering his mitts slightly so Hyouga can punch them better.

Hyouga shakes his head, the motion causing droplets of sweat to fall on the ring. “Better decide quick. School starts next week in case you’ve forgotten.” He throws a hard punch, but Tsukasa catches it with ease.

Tsukasa gives him sly smile. “Miss me?”

Hyouga smiles back, switching his lead foot to the other. “Not one bit.”

Tsukasa chuckles, and while Hyouga readies his new boxing stance, he takes a second to look around. Kinro is training with Kirisame, while Ginro and Matsukaze share the food Tsukasa brought. He might tease him, yes, but Tsukasa truly does care for Matsukaze and wants to see him happy. Ginro, oblivious as ever, may not realize the romantic suggestion behind sitting side by side and sharing food from the same container and using the same utensil… but since it makes Matsukaze happy, Tsukasa supposes what Ginro doesn’t know can’t hurt him.

Hearing a familiar laugh, Tsukasa quickly shifts his gaze towards the sound. Sure enough, there is Taiju walking in with two other people in tow. One of them is young looking (maybe Taiju’s age?) and has tall, wavy green hair that reminds him of leeks. The other has bright blonde hair that reminds him of Mirai’s but when they turn their head, Tsukasa can see their face clearly and they look… just like…

The blonde laughs loudly at something the leek boy says, throwing his head back. From this angle, Tsukasa can see the boy smiles with all teeth showing, just like that stranger did so many years ago. He also looks to be around Tsukasa’s age. It’s him, it’s _got_ to be him! He’s not a child anymore, certainly, and neither is Tsukasa. But he still looks just like back then, just more mature and taller. And is that an earring…?

Tsukasa doesn’t turn his eyes away until it’s almost too late to evade Hyouga’s hook. He reacts at the last second, managing to step back but Tsukasa’s carelessness surprises Hyouga, who looks like he expected Tsukasa to catch his punch, not barely evade it. The force of it causes Hyouga to step forward, but their closeness makes it difficult for Tsukasa to give him space. In trying to retreat further, Tsukasa trips. Hyouga instantly reaches forward to catch him, but his legs get tangled with Tsukasa’s, causing him to fall with him.

Tsukasa grunts as Hyouga’s weight wheezes air out of his lungs, having landed on his midsection. Quickly, Hyouga moves so he’s not on top of him but next to him instead. The damage is already done, though – Tsukasa heard how hard his head hit the floor of the ring over the loud music.

“Ow…” Tsukasa softly whines, eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed. But when Hyouga suddenly punches his shoulder _hard,_ he opens them, eyes as wide as plates. “…Ow?”

“What was that.” Hyouga spits out, glaring at Tsukasa.

“I… got distracted?”

Hyouga scoffs, standing up and offering Tsukasa his hands. “You are asking me?”

“I got distracted.” Tsukasa corrects, taking Hyouga’s hands and letting himself be lifted off the ground.

“Well, don’t.” Hyouga puts his hands on his waist, frowning. “You are training _me,_ so focus on that. What am I paying you for?”

Tsukasa smiles. “You aren’t paying me.”

Hyouga shrugs. “Semantics.”

Tsukasa chuckles again. Of course, Hyouga is mad that he didn’t give his all in training him – because when it comes to getting better in fighting, Hyouga is always serious, perhaps _too_ serious. Although, it might be because _Tsukasa_ is the one training him, since he suspects Hyouga has some lingering resentment over not being able to defeat him in a fight just yet.

“Anyways, be more careful.” Hyouga says, taking off his gloves. “If you had been a little bit slower, I would’ve…” He drifts off, frowning.

 _Ah,_ Tsukasa thinks, _I had him all wrong._ He reaches out, grabbing his friend’s shoulder. “It’s okay. You didn’t hurt me.”

Hyouga smiles and moves his shoulder, forcing Tsukasa’s hand away. “Who’s worried about hurting you?”

Tsukasa smiles, shaking his head softly. “No one, evidently.” He eyes Hyouga’s gloves. “You don’t want to continue?”

“I’m taking a break,” he says, “besides, I think someone else here wants your time.” He nods to the side, where most of the gym equipment is. Tsukasa looks over there, finding Taiju sitting at the lat pull-down machine, his friends standing at either side of him. As soon as they make eye contact, Taiju grins widely.

Tsukasa grins back, waving at him. He turns to Hyouga. “Alright, then. Good work.”

Hyouga grabs the water bottle he set aside by the corner of the ring. “Always.”

Fixing his hair in a high bun first, Tsukasa ducks under the ring ropes, heading towards Taiju and his friends. He’s sure the blonde one is the boy from all those years ago – the resemblance is uncanny; it _must_ be him. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Tsukasa straightens his back, wondering if he looks presentable despite knowing that his tank top is sticking to him thanks to his sweat. He wrinkles his nose. Does he smell too? Should he take off his tank top? And why is he worrying about his appearance all of a sudden? This isn’t like him.

He eyes what the blonde guy is wearing; a navy-blue unbuttoned shirt over a grey shirt, black jeans and… are those blue Yeezy’s?

Huh. He doesn’t remember the stranger wearing any douche-like clothes, but it has been five years since then, after all. Maybe his memory is failing him, because Tsukasa remembers the stranger as this angelic-type savior – a good Samaritan who shined as bright as the sun, who was as warm as the sun, who had a halo and an angel choir accompanying him wherever he went…

Hm. Either 11-year-old Tsukasa made the stranger out to be something he wasn’t, or his memory is faulty. He really should go back to school at this rate.

When Tsukasa is close enough, Taiju stops the conversation and gets off the machine to walk up to him, offering a handshake with his right hand while lifting his left. Smiling, Tsukasa does the same. Once their right hands clasp together, they pull towards each other, using their left arm to wrap around the other’s shoulder in a half hug and adding an extremely manly bro-pat on each others' backs to top it off.

“Hey, Taiju, good to see you. Are those your friends?” Tsukasa asks, nodding to the other two.

“Yep!” Taiju grins, beckoning his friends closer. “This one right here,” he says, clapping the leek boy on the back. “Is my super-duper smart best friend, Senkuu!”

Senkuu huffs a puff of air at the slap on his back, rolling his eyes with a smile. “Oh, shut up.”

Taiju laughs, patting Senku some more. He wraps his other arm around the blonde boy’s shoulders, pulling him close. “And this one is my super-duper adventurous best friend, Ryuusui!”

Ryuusui grins, wrapping his arm around Taiju’s waist. “That’s right!”

Tsukasa nods at both of them, his gaze lingering on Ryuusui. “Nice to meet you, I’m Tsukasa. I hope you both cheer for your friend today.”

Senkuu puts his hands on his hips, looking over at Taiju with a mocking grin. “He’s either going to kick some ass, or get his ass kicked. Either way, I’ll cheer for whoever wins.”

Taiju nods along. “Mhm, yeah, exact—wait! That’s so mean!” He whines, shaking Senkuu from side to side with his free arm. Senkuu lets himself be shaken, laughing like a villain does in kids’ cartoons.

“That’s alright!” Ryuusui says, snapping his fingers with his free hand. “I’ll just cheer hard enough for the both of us!”

Taiju gasps, pulling Ryuusui closer. _“Thank_ you! See, I can always count on you unlike _others.”_ He says the last word while jokingly glaring at Senkuu, who looks to the side as he cleans his ear with his pinky finger, seemingly not caring what Taiju is saying which only causes Taiju to shake him some more.

Tsukasa smiles at their shenanigans and looks over at Ryuusui, who seems to be laughing at them, too. When he notices Tsukasa staring at him, he smiles, tilting his head to the side. Tsukasa forces himself not to frown – he can’t see any recognition from Ryuusui towards him, even though he’s certain that Ryuusui is the boy that took care of the kitten with him all those years ago. Back then, it was thanks to Ryuusui’s words and actions that Tsukasa gained hope and the perseverance to stay alive for one more day, and another, and another, until he found a place where he could belong – the Dojo.

But if Ryuusui can’t recognize him, then that means he’s already forgotten about him.

Well. It stings, yes, but Tsukasa figures it’s his fault for expecting anything at all. Just because their meeting meant the world to Tsukasa does not mean it meant the same to Ryuusui. He was probably just another stranger in his life – there was nothing special about him or the situation for Ryuusui to remember him after that long. It shouldn’t sting, and yet…

Regardless, Tsukasa is glad he can now give a name to the face that keeps appearing in his dreams.

Suddenly, there’s a persistent vibration in his short’s pocket and Tsukasa knows he’s getting a call. When he partially takes it out to see who it is, he lets himself frown.

“Taiju, get ready, we’re going in the ring as soon as I finish this call.” He says, pointing to his phone.

Taiju stops giving Senkuu whiplash and nods. “Alright! I’ll get ready right now!”

Tsukasa nods back and, with his lips pressed into a line, heads out of the Dojo. In his rush to get out, Tsukasa doesn’t notice the way Ryuusui looks after him, expression serious, even after he’s long gone. Taiju notices this and pokes him, concerned, “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Ryuusui turns to look at him and grins. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine! Don’t you need to get ready, though?”

“Yes! I will right now!”

As Taiju goes to the locker room to get his gear, Senkuu looks between Ryuusui’s serious look and the exit Tsukasa used, and frowns.

~o~O~o~

Once outside, Tsukasa answers the call. “Yeah?”

“Finally,” his father says from the other side, “I was wondering if you were ever going to answer.”

Here we go again with the dramatics. Tsukasa sighs, “I’m at the Dojo, that’s why I couldn’t answer quickly. Did you get my text?”

“I did.”

Tsukasa waits a couple seconds for more elaboration, but all he gets is silence. “…Well?”

 _“Well,_ I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Dad,” Tsukasa starts then sighs again. “Come on. Mirai is getting better, but the cost is up. My job can’t make up the difference anymore.”

“And you need me to put more money in, is what you are trying to say.”

Tsukasa doesn’t like his tone, but he swallows his distaste. “Yes.”

There’s a couple of seconds of silence. His father sighs, “You don’t call to say hi anymore, or to ask how your father is doing. It’s all ‘money, money’ now.”

Tsukasa rolls his eyes. “It’s not for me, it’s for _your_ daughter.”

“Yes, yes,” He hears movement, probably his father moving his phone from one ear to the other. “My brain-dead daughter.”

Tsukasa stops his motions, feeling his mouth run dry. He tries to swallow but it doesn’t help. “She’s not—she’s not brain-dead anymore. Mirai’s in a vegetative state now, and the doctors think she might go into a minimally conscious state—”

“All of that is a bunch of jargon that all mean but one thing: your sister is still not waking up. She’s not here, she’s not even _partially_ here—”

“But she is—”

“Except she’s not Mirai anymore!” That shuts Tsukasa up. “She’s not the Mirai you and I remember. The Mirai in that hospital will forever be chained to her bed. She's just a—a husk. An empty shell. And what kind of—what kind of living is that? Barely surviving, wasting away as the best years of her life pass her by?” Tsukasa stays quiet. “Is it fair to force her to live in such conditions when she can’t even refuse?”

A match lights up in Tsukasa’s chest. “What…? What are you talking about?”

“What is she living for, son?” He hates it when he calls him son in tense moments. “For you? To ease your guilt?”

“That,” Tsukasa starts, voice shaky, the fire in his chest making it hard to breathe. “Is not fair.”

“It’s not even your fault, Tsukasa, I still don’t understand why you blame yourself.”

“This isn’t about me!” Tsukasa bits back, feeling desperation crawl on his back, fueling the flames like kerosene. “This is about Mirai, _my_ sister and _your_ daughter, who needs you now more than ever. She’s getting better, we can’t afford to have her relocated—”

“I am _not_ wasting my money when it’s not even confirmed that she’ll wake up completely—”

A spark.

“What did you just say…?” Tsukasa asks in disbelief. Desperation is gone and its place, ire crawls out. “Waste? _Waste?_ Are you serious? She’s your daughter, how is that wasting your money?” It starts in his chest, growing bigger and bigger until the pressure of his anger threatens to choke him. “Is that what you think of her?” It’s overflowing, it’s suffocating. “Of me? Of us? As _waste?"_

His father sighs as though the mere sound of his son’s voice annoys him, as though Tsukasa’s question doesn’t have any shred of truth in it. “Tsukasa, you know that’s not—”

“Nah, I get it.” Tsukasa laughs without humor in it, shaking his head. His anger has already gone overboard and his brash but honest feelings spill out. “Fuck you, too, dad. Say hi to your wife and kids for me.”

“Tsukasa—”

He hangs up, taking off his hair tie to run his hands through his hair, pulling at the roots. The need to scream his lungs out is overwhelming, but Tsukasa somehow manages to contain it. His phone vibrates again but he ignores it, choosing to control his breathing instead. In and out, in and out.

_‘You know we can’t be seen out together, I’ve got a reputation to uphold—’_

_‘Sleep outside since you want to be with the strays so badly—’_

_‘I am not wasting my money—’_

In and out, like his mother taught him.

He almost has his shaking under control when he hears a knocking to his right. Turning towards the sound, he finds Kirisame there.

“Taiju is ready for you.” She says, expression neutral.

Tsukasa looks away and nods. “I’ll be right there.” He expects her to leave, but he doesn’t hear her walk away. After a minute passes, he sighs and turns to look at her with tired eyes. “What?”

Kirisame shakes her head, clasping her hands behind her back. “I’m sorry your father is a jerk.”

Tsukasa looks away again, leaning his head back against the wall. _That’s putting it mildly,_ he thinks. “It’s rude to eavesdrop.”

“I only heard what you said last.” Kirisame frowns, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. The awkwardness gets too much for her, so she coughs and says, “we’re ready when you are.”

Tsukasa waits until she’s out of earshot to put his face on his hands and groan out his frustration. He wants to yell, to scream, to kick and punch until this anger boiling inside of him leaves. Until this rage mellows out enough to not want to bang his head against the concrete wall behind him. Until he can’t feel a single thing. Until he can feel everything but this putrid hollowness inside him. But he has responsibilities, and he can’t keep Taiju waiting any longer. He promised, after all.

Tsukasa doesn’t bother putting his hair up when he re-enters the Dojo, hands curled into fists.


	3. To Be Worth Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta proof read by my best friend Kim! You can find her on twitter [@keanaa_k](https://twitter.com/keanaa_k) and on tumblr [@bi-mango-girl](https://bi-mango-girl.tumblr.com/) !!  
> This chapter's songs are:  
> [Counting Paths by Matthew and the Atlas.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WmiZFJ34fM)  
> [Gris, Pt. 1 by Berlinist.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_2gHmpZmzU)
> 
> I hope you guys are doing alright during these difficult times! Please remember to always take care of yourself... god knows I keep forgetting, myself. Let's try and get by together ^^
> 
> Quick warning for this chapter: discussions of child abuse but nothing graphic, just briefly talked about from an outsider's perspective.  
> Happy reading :)

Tsukasa’s phone doesn’t stop ringing as he enters the Dojo. The air inside is colder now, making the tips of his fingers feel numb – but, in moments like this, he is grateful for feeling anything at all; even if the tingling sensation keeps growing, enveloping his hands in ice.

Tsukasa motions for Matsukaze to approach him and throws him his phone, which the younger boy catches with ease. Tsukasa tells him to hold onto it and Matsukaze nods, frowning. But Tsukasa does not notice as he’s too focused on putting on his headgear and gloves from the gym bag pressed against the ring. Distantly, he hears Kinro ask if he’s going to warm up before the fight. Seconds pass as the frigid air fills his silence, his vision shrinks and shrinks until it looks like he’s watching a movie at the farthest possible distance and yet unable to look away. Finally, he – his body – answers in a barely audible, soft tone, “I just want to fight.”

Kinro blinks rapidly, his mouth opening to presumably ramble about properly following the rules of the Dojo, but Tsukasa does not care. Warm-up or no warm-up, there is no difference. If he pulls a muscle or strains himself it hardly matters at all.

He climbs onto the ring and finds Taiju already there, waving to him frantically while struggling to smile through his mouth guard. In normal circumstances, Tsukasa would have found that funny, perhaps even sweet. Now, though, it just irks him. If Taiju notices his change in demeanor he does a good job at pretending he doesn’t, still trying to capture his attention. Tsukasa manages to give him a curt nod, hoping it will get him to stop. It accomplishes that somewhat, what with Taiju’s happy face turning into a gravely serious one, nodding curtly back at Tsukasa. Behind himself, Tsukasa hears one of the coaches approach the ring, recognizing her steps instantly. Hatsu trains small children most of the time and often asks Tsukasa to help her watch them. She’s one of the few adults he tolerates and respects, so seeing her makes him feel at ease most of the time. But at this moment, her presence feels fake. In fact, everything around him feels unstable and he wants to leave, but the movie is still playing and there are no exits in sight.

Hatsu is on the ring now, speaking loud enough for everyone to hear. Tsukasa is aware she is speaking – he can hear her, but it is as though her words are empty. Some of them he can process, but together they make no sense. It’s too confusing and he doesn’t know what to do except to wait for Hatsu to lift her hand and set off the distorted thunder of a bell ricocheting in the ring. 

The dark theater in his mind, where Tsukasa is watching all this unfold, a new film starts playing – its audio overlays the current one and now he hears his father’s words in his mother’s voice coming out of Hatsu’s mouth, and in front of him Taiju is smiling like he finds it _funny_ and his mom is dead and Mirai is dying and his father is indifferent and he doesn’t have any friends and nobody gives a damn about him anymore because every person that ever loved him is gone and why can’t this movie stop playing why can’t he make it stop make it stop _make it stop and—_

And.

Suddenly.

The movie.

Bre—

—aks.

A p a r t.

Tsukasa breathes harshly as he stares down at Taiju, who is kneeling on the ground, holding his arm close to his chest, eyes squeezed shut and grinding his teeth. Everyone around them is moving in slow motion, leaving a blurred image behind. There is a desperate cry in the form of Taiju’s name somewhere behind Tsukasa; Hatsu is trying her best to comfort the kid but the amount of people inside the ring is too high to do it properly.

“Back off, give him space!” Hatsu exclaims, one arm around Taiju and the other up in the air, as if to push everyone away. “And Tsukasa—” She looks over at him, disappointment evident on her face, “—take a _walk.”_

In other words, get the hell out.

So, Tsukasa gets off the ring, takes his phone from Matzukaze and runs out. When his phone rings again, he answers automatically. It’s his father having a go at him again, but like earlier with Hatsu, he knows his father is speaking but cannot make out the words until his father, sighing in frustration, complains in a tired voice, “I just don’t know what to do with you anymore.”

 _You say that like you knew what to do with an unwanted kid in the first place,_ Tsukasa thinks. Except now that he thinks about it, perhaps his dad had a means of controlling him for a while. He leans against the concrete wall of the Dojo, staring at the pavement, and murmurs, “That’s because you can’t hit me anymore.”

A pause. “…What?”

“You can’t hit me anymore,” Tsukasa repeats, louder and shaky. “You can’t—you can’t do anything to me. I’m not your punching bag anymore.”

There’s movement on the other line. “Tsukasa—”

“I’m bigger than you now,” a hitch in his breath, “I’m taller, _stronger_ than you now and you—you can’t _hurt_ me anymore. You can’t… you can’t hurt me anymore.” A few seconds of silence on both ends. “If Mirai and I are such a waste to you, if you regret being our father so much, then just leave us alone already!” His bottom lip trembles but he does not stop, desperate to pass on this ache in his chest through the phone. _“I’ll_ be her father instead; I’ll do everything you wouldn’t do for me and _more_. I’ll love her and protect her like a parent should and I’ll never hit her, no matter how angry she makes me, because if there’s anything you taught me at all with your violence is what not to do when taking care of _my child!”_ Before his father can say anything back, Tsukasa hangs up, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

It does not ring anymore.

Tsukasa gets about two minutes alone with himself before black shoes come into his vision. He lifts his head up and sees it’s one of the boys Taiju brought with him – Senkuu, if he recalls correctly – looking to the side, hands in his pockets. The knowledge that he hurt Senkuu’s friend settles heavy on Tsukasa’s back, making it hard to breathe. Even looking at him feels like disrespect, so Tsukasa stares back at the ground again, opening his mouth to apologize before Senkuu interrupts him.

“Taiju is a good kid,” Senkuu starts, “a bit of an airhead, but he’s a good person at heart. He is energetic, kind, and so stupidly loyal.” Senkuu pauses, but Tsukasa does not even dare breathe. “He’s the kind of guy that makes friends with anyone and sees the good in everything. It can be annoying, you see, because then he just forgives everyone no matter what – even if they don’t deserve it.” He walks back to the entrance of the Dojo, stopping right by Tsukasa’s side. “So, I’d really appreciate it if you’d stay away from him.” With that, he enters the Dojo, his words digging further into Tsukasa’s back.

The weight of his sins forces Tsukasa down until he is sitting on the ground, his arms wrapped around his legs and forehead pressed against his knees. He tries to focus on his breathing to calm his frantic heart, but all it accomplishes is make him feel lightheaded. What to do now? How can he face Taiju again? Hatsu? The rest of the Dojo? They have now seen him for who he truly is – not a kind, older brother but a violent thug who is always looking for someone to lunge at, always looking for a reason to fight. Because, deep down, Tsukasa knows that the only thing he is good at is destroying, hurting and ruining until there is nothing left. Violence runs through his veins, violence is what raised him and violence is what he sought when Mirai went under, when his mother died and when his father left him. And now he chose violence for the sake of violence, violence just to vent out his frustration.

When that fisherman hurt him all those years ago, the doctors wondered who could do something like that to a kid. If only they could see him now, all grown up, on the other end. If he hates himself so much that he would hurt an innocent kid just because they reminded him of himself, then Tsukasa might as well go straight to the source and destroy it. That is all he is good for, after all.

He is so sick of himself; he wishes he could disappear.

Suddenly, Tsukasa feels a new presence in front of him. Lifting his head slightly, blue shoes come into his vision. He recognizes who it is without even having to look at him. But he does not want to see him, does not want to see or hear how much he has hurt him. How much he hates him. No, Tsukasa won’t be able to take it. He must push him away.

“Your friend already gave me a talking to about Taiju,” Tsukasa says, not looking up at him, “you don’t have to waste your time.” There is a rustling of clothes and now Tsukasa senses him crouching in front of him. Is the guy going to fight him? In that case, Tsukasa won’t fight back. It’s the least he deserves.

But Ryuusui doesn’t strike. Instead, softly, he speaks,

“I’m not here for him.”

It makes Tsukasa frown. Who else is he here for, then? He doesn’t like these types of games. If Ryuusui is going to hit him, then he should get it over with already. Taiju needs him by his side and not wasting his time with—

Tsukasa lets out a small gasp when he feels warm fingers gently brush his hair away and lift his chin up. Wide eyed, he stares back at Ryuusui’s concerned expression, Tsukasa’s breath coming out in stutters.

“Are you okay?” Ryuusui asks, his thumb running up and down Tsukasa’s cheek, tracing a scar left there years ago. But Tsukasa is paralyzed, wondering why this guy is being so kind to him when he has done nothing to deserve it.

There is a sting behind Tsukasa’s eyes before his vision blurs, heat spreading across his face starting on the place Ryuusui is gently holding. It’s too soft, too sweet, almost like he is worth something. In fact, it feels… it feels like—

No. No, he can’t take this. He does not deserve it, much less from him.

Slapping Ryuusui’s hand away, Tsukasa stands up and breaks into a run, ignoring the calls of his name behind him. He runs until his legs feel wobbly, until the middle of his chest burns with the need of air, until he has to throw up on the side of the road. He runs and runs and runs until he stops in front of his apartment. It’s dark and empty inside when there should be the sound of his sister laughing, the security of his father’s presence, the warmth of his mother’s cooking and their gentle touch, including from his father, upon his head when he returns home. Soft and sweet, like he was worth anything at all.

Tsukasa touches the side of his face where Ryuusui touched him and feels ill.

~o~O~o~

Byakuya takes a sip of the broth he just made and hums approvingly. He made sure to blend most of the vegetables until they were part of the broth itself, since Senkuu won’t eat any greens if he can avoid it. It is not too spicy either as his old stomach cannot take hot food like the youth of today…

Besides, Senkuu is too little for spicy food, so it benefits them both.

Looking at his watch, Byakuya wonders if he should start serving already. Senkuu told him he would arrive around two hours ago, but three hours ago he texted saying something came up and will arrive later than promised. Which is perfectly fine, he can hang out with his friends as long as he wants, but the food will get cold! It’s not every day that Byakuya cooks, either.

As if reading his mind, there is the telltale jingle of keys turning followed by a call of ‘I’m home!’. Byakuya yells a welcome back over his shoulder and starts to serve the ramen in the slightly deformed ceramic bowls Senkuu made last year. His white bowl has a little drawing Senkuu made of him in the center, while Senkuu’s light green bowl has a drawing of himself instead. Even though he told Senkuu it did not bother him getting no gifts on Father’s Day because his kid’s presence was enough, Senkuu simply rolled his eyes, called him dumb and said to just wait. Byakuya is proud to say he shed some manly tears that day.

“Senkuu, can you set the table, please?” He asks as his son comes into view.

“I can,” Senkuu answers. “But do I wanna…”

Byakuya points the ladle at Senkuu, who avoids the drops of broth, and jokingly threatens, “No ramen for you, young man.”

Senkuu giggles but there is something off about his smile, Byakuya can tell. It went away too quickly and Senkuu did not look him in the eye as they talked. It’s not too worrying – he knows that his kid will talk to him when he’s ready to talk, if he wants to talk at all. So, for now, he’ll just serve his favorite type of ramen and keep an eye on him.

When Byakuya approaches the dining room table, Senkuu is already there, table set. Again, not looking at him. Byakuya smiles sympathetically, even though Senkuu can’t see it, and places the bowls down. They talk for a bit, Senkuu asking his dad about his latest astronaut training assignment, and Byakuya asking him about his day out with the rest of the boys.

“Fine.” Senkuu answers, frowning immediately, as though he did not mean to say that. “It was fine, I mean, yeah…”

Byakuya nods, taking a sip of the ramen as he watches Senkuu pick at his own. “Why didn’t you stay there longer, though? I know you told me you were staying a bit later than planned, but you could have stayed longer with your friends if you wanted to.”

Senkuu raises his head and gives his dad a small smile. “Maybe I wanted to spend high quality family-time with my dad?”

“Hah!” Byakuya pokes his son’s forehead, but Senkuu is waiting for that and shuts his eyes just in time. “Like I’d believe that!” Senkuu hums, his grin fading, picking at his ramen again. Byakuya takes a few more sips before running his hand through his son’s hair, gently scratching his scalp. His mom used to do that to him when he was nervous and has found that it also helps ground Senkuu down when he is thinking too much. “Are you okay, kiddo?”

Senkuu nods weakly, though Byakuya notices him finally take a sip out of the bowl. Byakuya keeps eating, checking on his son here and there, satisfied that he is still eating albeit at a slow pace. It makes him wonder if the kid’s sad demeanor has something to do with being late today. Did he and his friends have a fight? Did they receive bad news? Oh, maybe his boy is finally treading on the path of love and has just gotten his heart broken? Nah, unrealistic. Video games and science projects occupy his mind all the time. Maybe it’s just the blues? Teenage mood swings? In any case, all he can do now is wait. Even though he is still just a little kid, Senkuu behaves in a way that screams ‘I have to take care of this alone’ when that is simply not true. His late best friend’s wife, and Senkuu’s biological mother, was independent like that. She kept everything to herself as she didn’t think it was a big deal and could solve her problems by herself; right up until it landed her in a hospital after a mental health crisis. 

She did not have the resources or the support she needed then, but Byakuya _does_ have the resources now to help and the patience to anxiously wait until his kid feels confident enough to say what he feels. Just as Byakuya is about to remind him, though, Senkuu speaks up.

“Dad,” Senkuu starts, staring at his bowl, “were you ever abused?”

Okay. Alright. He must handle this very, very carefully and ignore the panic climbing up his spine. Clearing his throat, he says, “Ah, well… I guess it depends on what kind.”

“Kind?” Senkuu frowns, tilting his head.

“Yep.” Byakuya takes a deep breath, wanting to change the topic but knowing that if he shows discomfort, it’ll teach his kid that talking about this is taboo – and if there is ever a time when Senkuu _needs_ to talk about what’s happening to him, Byakuya does not want him to be scared or uncomfortable. So, he puts his uneasiness aside and calmly speaks, “There’s different kinds, some more straightforward than others, but harmful all the same. Emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, medical, discriminatory and physical abuse… and those are just off the top of my head.”

Senkuu scrunches his nose. “Sounds complicated…”

“It can be. Most of them overlap a lot, though.” Senkuu looks at him. “Abusers don’t stop at one thing, sadly, and they’re good at making it seem like it’s not abuse, like it’s all just in the head of the abused. Which is why most people don’t speak up — it’s hard to accept that someone who should love and care for you treats you so horribly.”

Senkuu nods slowly, looking down at his bowl again. “What about… neglect?”

Byakuya pauses for a moment before nodding. “Are you talking about parental abuse?”

Again, his son nods slowly. It has been a while since he has seen Senkuu look this small, this vulnerable. In his mind, Senkuu will always be the babbling baby he adopted when he was just in his 20’s, but Senkuu is growing up faster than Byakuya expected and it is at times like these that he remembers his baby is a boy now, and before Byakuya realizes, he will be a man. Despite this, it is his job as his father to provide the space he needs to be himself, to speak his mind, and to trust that he will be listened to without judgment no matter his age.

And so, he waits.

“Today… today at the Dojo that Taiju joined, he was hurt on his arm by one of the kids there,” Senkuu says. “That guy was really strong, super strong, and it was… it was kind of scary to see him kick Taiju that hard. I thought…” He pauses and shakes his head. “But anyways, Taiju is fine now, he’ll just need to wear a cast. It’s just…” Senkuu sighs in frustration but Byakuya doesn’t cut in. After he gathers his thoughts again, Senkuu continues, “I went to talk to the guy that kicked him, and I overheard a fight he had with his dad through the phone.” He presses his lips into a line. “It was really bad.”

Byakuya looks down at the table, suddenly understanding where the conversation is going. “How bad?”

“Pretty bad. The guy said something about his dad not being able to hit him anymore because he’s stronger than him now, that his dad doesn’t have to take care of him and someone else… I guess his sibling or something, because then he said that he’ll be their father instead. That he will be a better father because he learned what not to do thanks to how his dad raised him.” Senkuu moves his spoon back and forth in his bowl, and sighs. “I didn’t know parents could be so mean to their kids like that.” A pause. “Were your parents mean to you, dad?”

“My parents…” Byakuya starts, scratching the side of his face. He doesn’t want to lie, not when Senkuu needs the truth. “Well, I think they raised me well, even if their spankings weren’t justified, in my opinion.”

“What?” Senkuu turns to properly look at him, shocked. “Why would they do that?”

“That’s how they were raised,” Byakuya reasons. “Their parents were raised that way, so were _their_ parents, and so on. Besides, it was only until recently that physical abuse as ‘discipline’ was banned in Japan. Back then it was widely accepted. It still is, although change is slowly happening.”

Senkuu frowns again, turning to glare at the table. “You were raised with beatings.”

Byakuya winces, not knowing how to take his son’s tone of voice. It’s hard for him to call it ‘beatings’, as it feels like he is calling his parents abusers when they weren’t. Okay, they did hit him, but they thought it was the way to raise a child. Besides, he knows they love him. They just… didn’t know any better back then? But does that excuse it? Ah, this is a can of worms that he does _not_ want to open in front of his kid. For simplicity’s sake, he will keep it short. “As discipline, yes.”

Senkuu’s frown deepens, his bottom lip pushing up. “And you said that parents beat their kids because that’s how they were raised.”

“Yes.”

Senkuu lowers his head, his side bang hiding his face. “But you never raised your hand on me.”

He’s speaking too lowly for Byakuya to hear. Leaning over, Byakuya asks, “What?”

“You never raised your hand on me!” Senkuu exclaims, lifting his head to look at him in anger. “You never, _ever,_ hit me even though that’s how you were raised!” His lip trembles as he sucks in a gulp of air, eyes filling up with tears. “You never hurt me even when I make you really, really angry! Even though that’s what you were taught to do!” A hiccup escapes him, his shoulders shaking. _“Why?”_ He covers his face as sobs leave him again and again, “I don’t understand. I don’t understand…”

“Because,” Byakuya softly answers, “because when I had you, I decided that the cycle was going to end with me.” 

It’s the truth, and Byakuya hoped it would help, but his words seem to only upset Senkuu further. This time, Byakuya allows panic to run through him. His boy is crying, and now he is crying too because it hurts to see his child in pain and he doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know how to fix it. He wishes he could take it all away, wishes Senkuu didn’t have to learn about all these complicated things and just shield him from the world.

But it’s his job to protect him, to comfort him when the world is too cruel, not hide him away. So, he puts his own pain aside and moves closer until he’s sitting next to Senkuu before gently wrapping his arms around him. Byakuya pets his hair, rubbing circles on his back as Senkuu cries on his shirt. It has been a while since the last time he saw Senkuu cry, so he will let him cry to his heart’s content. God knows how much Senkuu has been keeping to himself all this time, thinking that he has to do everything alone.

But dad is here now, it will all be alright.

After a long while, Senkuu pulls away, sniffing. Byakuya smiles at him, “You okay, kiddo?” He wipes away a stray tear, “that must have been really scary, feeling all of that for the first time.”

“Feeling what?” Senkuu asks with a dry throat, rubbing his face clean.

“Grief.”

“Grief? But I’m not grieving.” Senkuu answers with snot dripping down.

“You’re grieving the loss of your friend’s childhood,” Byakuya says, taking a napkin to clean Senkuu’s nose and ignoring the quiet ‘he’s not my friend’ comment. “You’re also grieving the fact that your dad went through some similar painful moments. It’s because you care.”

“I don’t care…” Senkuu grumpily murmurs, grabbing another napkin to clean his face some more.

Byakuya grins as he ruffles his son’s hair, who yelps and tries to slap his hand away. “It’s good to care, Senkuu. It’s also good to admit it.”

Senkuu hums, looking at his empty bowl. After a couple of seconds of silence, he asks, “Can I get more ramen?”

“Of course, kiddo.”

“And,” He blows his nose, muttering ‘gross’ when he finishes. “And can we watch a movie too?”

“Sure! You pick the movie while I serve us some more of my delicious ramen.”

Senkuu grins, “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“No ramen for you, young man!” Byakuya yells from the kitchen as he adds extra noodles to Senkuu’s bowl.

The conversation is far from over, Byakuya knows, but Senkuu is clearly emotionally drained and just wants to relax. So, until he is ready again, Byakuya will wait.

Because his son is worth everything to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is [The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)'s compilation of resources for the abused of any kind.](https://ncadv.org/resources) From advice to live 24/7 chatrooms designed to help you. I encourage all of you to check it out, there's so much to learn, even for those who never experienced abuse. 
> 
> I know how you feel. Please, keep your head up.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to like, comment and subscribe 🔥🔥🔥
> 
> twitter: @mishi_yana  
> tumblr art blog: @mishiyanx


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